On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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