yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
