If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
