susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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