I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
