dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
