U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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