glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
