No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
