And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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