apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
