I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm sobbing to NWA
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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