I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
