Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
