If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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