NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
