A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
