Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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