I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
