stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
