'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
