I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
