No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
