WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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