People with herpes should wear stickers.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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