Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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