Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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