Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
