We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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