do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
