Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
