ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
