filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
