her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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