Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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