I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
