I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just found puke in my bra..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
