Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
