so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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