when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
