So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
