Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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