I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You can't special order awesome
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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