She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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