I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize