I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
