Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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