I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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