i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is Oprah even human
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
