i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
