I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
