She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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