I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
