i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
