I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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