i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
