I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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