What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
