just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
