I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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