Do you still have your period?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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