I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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