Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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