it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
