I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
