the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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