the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
