You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
