We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
