You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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