Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
