Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
